When relationships come up—be it family, friends, romance, or work—I'm all ears. I find it intriguing how people communicate, handle conflict, set boundaries, and express love. Relationships can be complex and subjective, revealing the beauty and messiness of our humanity. Conversations about them always offer fresh perspectives.
Recently, I found myself at an impromptu dinner next to a newly-wedded friend. She recounted their love story and the lessons learned early in marriage, sparking an engaging discussion about relationships across our table.
Featured image by Kristen Kilpatrick.
Everyone present was either married or dating, with relationship lengths ranging from six months to over a decade. As the newest couple in the group, I was brimming with questions, starting with, "What's your favorite thing about your partner?" This not only allowed me to share about my own partner but also illuminated their values, deepening our connection.
That evening inspired me to ask friends for their top relationship advice for newcomers. Many felt this exercise strengthened their bonds or reignited sparks reminiscent of their early days together.
Here's what they shared, hoping you find wisdom in their experiences, no matter the type of relationship you're in.
Prioritize Self-Care
Erika & Charlie
Taking care of yourself is essential. Whether it's enjoying a dance class or going for a run, communicate your needs to your partner. We've learned the importance of taking solo vacations—just us, away from the daily grind. An older couple once told us, "Time alone is relationship insurance," and it really resonated. We also enjoy waiting to watch our favorite shows together.
Embrace Change
Jon & Amanda
Jon: Allow space for individual growth within your relationship.
Amanda: Recognize that you and your partner may evolve differently over time. Be open to these changes.
Stay Curious
Gina & Jodi
Gina: Elizabeth Gilbert says, "Telling the truth is a kindness." This resonates with me—it encourages open communication, which is often challenging.
My wife and I, who met in college, initially avoided naming our relationship. But eventually, speaking our truth brought us closer. Sixteen years into our marriage, we continue to learn this lesson. Honesty fosters freedom.
Jodi: Stay curious about your partner! Each of us is a work in progress, with endless layers to explore. My wife and I have been together for 16 years, and I'm constantly amazed by what I discover about her.
Loving my wife involves being curious about her, just as I explore my own heart.
To love is to embrace the infinite. Stay curious about yourself and your partner, whether your journey together is long or short.
Support Each Other's Interests
Jen (husband: Aaron)
There are many ways to cultivate a joyful relationship. It's common to look at others and think they're #relationshipgoals, but every relationship is unique. Genuine care involves taking an interest in your partner's passions—whether it's their career, hobbies, or favorite shows. Ask questions to understand what excites them.
Observe Their Treatment of Others
Evangelina (husband: Keith)
Pay attention to how your partner interacts with others. It's vital that they show respect to everyone, from waitstaff to friends. I knew Keith was the one because he treated people with kindness, not just me. His appreciation for others speaks volumes.
Make Time for Personal Passions
Blake & Steve
Steve: Find humor in everything, but be mindful of when you share it!
Blake: Thoughtful communication is key. Recognize that happiness is your responsibility. Having separate interests is healthy, as it leads to engaging discussions and shared passions.
Value Independence
Jack & Riley
Jack: Be yourself around your partner. Don't suppress your feelings to meet unrealistic expectations. I openly express my frustrations about my favorite football team, which my wife initially found surprising.
Riley: It's natural to want closeness, but true partnership allows for individuality. It's about nurturing a bond that permits growth outside of each other's influences. We committed to supporting each other's personal journeys while maintaining our independence.
This means leaning into chaos with compassion and choosing understanding over exhaustive communication. The beauty of this approach is that we learn to accept each other as uniquely lovable.
Align on Core Values
Natalie & Andrew
Andrew: Before my long-term relationship, I believed shared interests were crucial. While they're nice, shared values matter more. Do you laugh together? Natalie makes me laugh, which enriches my life far more than shared hobbies.
We respect each other's interests, enjoying them independently, which enhances our time together.
Natalie: I agree! Forcing things hasn't worked for us, especially during arguments. Sometimes, taking a break is the best approach. Going to bed angry can lead to morning apologies, paving the way for resolution.
Grow Together
Michael (wife: Anna Margaret)
My advice for those entering a new relationship is to be open to learning strategies that help you grow as a couple. For Anna Margaret and me, it's about finding tools to navigate conflicts. Sometimes, we pause discussions to cool off, which helps us communicate more effectively later.
What's your best relationship advice? Share with us!
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