Taking a Break from Sex? Here’s How to Rediscover Pleasure and Confidence

Many women recognize that sex can be a source of immense pleasure and well-being. But what happens when sex is absent? This topic deserves exploration.

While there are numerous benefits associated with regular sexual activity, including reduced cortisol levels and improved sleep, it’s also important to consider the effects of a break—often referred to as a "dry spell." An article I found discussed the implications of ceasing sexual activity, prompting me to gather additional expert insights.

Feature image by Michelle Nash.

Exploring the Impacts of Abstaining from Sex

Having attended Catholic schools for my entire pre-college education, I now find sex-positive literature and podcasts incredibly enlightening. While I value many aspects of that educational experience, overcoming the shame associated with sexuality has been a crucial personal journey. Understanding that sexual health encompasses more than just avoiding STIs and unintended pregnancies is vital; sex should be a positive aspect of life.

Below are my key takeaways, along with insights from our health and wellness expert, certified nurse midwife Lauren Zielinski (MSN, CNM), for those navigating a dry spell.

Lauren Zielinski is a certified nurse-midwife with over 11 years of experience in women’s health and birth. She studied medicine at The University of Colorado-Denver, focusing on community health and birth center work.

Emotional and Mental Effects of a Dry Spell

It’s well-known that sex can enhance mood, but what emotional changes occur when sexual activity decreases?

For many individuals, sex represents more than a physical act; it’s a means of connection, intimacy, and confidence. Consequently, a cessation of sexual activity can lead to shifts in emotional well-being that may not be immediately apparent. Some may experience increased irritability, anxiety, or feelings of disconnection. Others might notice a decline in self-esteem or a sense of loneliness, even amidst supportive relationships.

Remember, a dry spell doesn’t imply something is wrong; it merely serves as a prompt to check in with your body and emotional needs. Ask yourself: What type of touch or connection might I be lacking? Sometimes, a hug from a friend, a soothing bath, or a dance session at home can help you reconnect and lift your spirits.

For those not currently in relationships or choosing abstinence for any reason, it’s essential to recognize that you are complete and fulfilled with or without sexual activity. Focus on nurturing connections, both physical and emotional, and allow your sense of self to flourish.

Potential Increases in Blood Pressure and Stress

Sex helps release endorphins regularly. Without it, stress levels may rise. Thankfully, alternative activities can provide similar benefits. Consider engaging in heart-pumping exercise as a substitute for sexual encounters. Activities like brisk walks, invigorating yoga, or your preferred morning workouts can enhance blood circulation, offering cardiovascular and stress-relief advantages akin to sex.

“If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed and too busy for sex, it’s time to prioritize self-care,” Zielinski advises. She suggests eliminating one or two non-essential commitments, scheduling ‘me time,’ and recognizing that it’s perfectly okay to decline invitations.

This isn’t just about reducing your workload—it’s about engaging in activities that restore you. Whether it’s a solo hike, savoring your coffee in peace, or stepping back from a draining group chat, managing stress is essential. Sex can help, but so can countless small decisions that bring you back to your center.

What Menopausal Women Should Know About Vaginal Health

Menopause is a significant transition, often discussed in terms of hot flashes and mood fluctuations. However, the impact on vaginal health during this period is frequently overlooked, especially when sexual activity—whether solo or partnered—is infrequent.

Board-certified OB/GYN Lucky Sekhon, MD noted that prolonged periods without regular sexual activity can lead to tightening of the vaginal canal, increasing the risk of tissue thinning and potential tearing or bleeding during intercourse. Not exactly the ideal “freedom years” experience.

The positive takeaway? There are gentle, proactive strategies to support your body during these changes. Dr. Macrene Alexiades emphasized that consistent sexual activity, or even masturbation, can help maintain vaginal health and elasticity. It’s a self-care practice that deserves more attention.

If discomfort arises, let’s dispel the notion that painful sex is something to endure. Utilizing a natural, body-safe lubricant can significantly enhance comfort. Your body deserves understanding and care throughout all life stages, including menopause.

Difficulty with Arousal

Desire isn’t always spontaneous; often, it becomes habitual. Like various aspects of life (exercising, meditating, staying hydrated), the more frequently you engage with your sexual self, the more naturally desire tends to arise. If it’s been a while since your last sexual encounter and you’re struggling to feel aroused, you’re not alone.

Desire often follows the law of inertia: those who engage in sex regularly will continue to desire it, while those who abstain may find their need diminishing. “For many, this means getting turned on can become more challenging, even if there’s a desire,” sexologist Carol Queen, PhD explained. In essence, sexual energy tends to build upon itself—taking a long break can make re-engagement feel a bit… difficult.

This may seem disheartening, but there’s hope. A 2014 study in The Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality indicates that desire significantly influences the quality of sexual experiences. Cultivating curiosity or longing for sex—through fantasy, touch, or simply being attuned to your body—is vital. Sometimes, fostering this desire occurs when we create the right environment for it.

Unexpected Advantages of Abstaining from Sex

In a society that often links sex with wellness and self-worth, choosing to abstain—whether temporarily or permanently—can feel counterintuitive. However, a dry spell can harbor unexpected benefits.

Stepping back from sexual activity can create space for clarity and self-reflection. Without the emotional and physical complexities that often accompany sex, many find it easier to connect with their intuition, process past experiences, or reconnect with themselves on a deeper level. This period can be an opportunity to rediscover what you truly desire and what kind of connections resonate with you, free from external pressures.

Additionally, there are practical benefits: more time, increased energy, and often reduced emotional stress (especially if previous experiences have been complicated). If you’re recovering from a breakup, exploring celibacy, or simply prioritizing your well-being, this time can represent a significant act of self-love.

When to Reflect on a Dry Spell

Numerous reasons can lead to a dry spell, all completely normal. However, a prolonged lack of sexual activity may warrant further exploration.

If you’ve lost interest in sex without a clear explanation, consider what might be happening beneath the surface. A sudden or extended decrease in libido can sometimes relate to hormonal fluctuations, chronic stress, depression, anxiety, or medication side effects. If sex was previously enjoyable and now feels distant, it might be time to consult a trusted healthcare professional.

Explore Zielinski’s recommendations for boosting libido, which may include some surprising suggestions. Her insights on when to seek sex therapy or meditate before intimacy could also be enlightening.

If sex isn’t something you desire right now, that’s perfectly valid. There’s no universal timeline or expectation regarding desire. What truly matters is feeling empowered to check in with yourself and seek support when necessary—whatever that means for you.

This post was last updated on April 26, 2025 to include new insights.